Attn: American Idols – The 5 Temptations of Overnight Fame

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Life is won­der­ful thing.

You’ve seen every epis­ode of Entour­age so you know how show busi­ness works. You’re Vin­cent Chase with a microphone.

You’ve par­ti­cip­ated in every inter­view on MTV from your bed­room for as long as you can remem­ber, and you’ve won the pre­vi­ous eight sea­sons of Amer­ican Idol in a land­slide from that place in your head that puts you in the same cat­egory as Brit­ney, Christina and Justin.

And now your hand hurts from sign­ing your name on pho­tos of you. Two months ago you were rock­ing your friends’ world on Rock Band. Now you’re sign­ing auto­graphs back­stage to people who know your name, where you were born and what you’re favour­ite food is. How­ever, now that you’re on Amer­ican Idol, you must watch out for the tempta­tions that can’t be learnt from the safe side of a tele­vi­sion screen.

1. Drugs (not neces­sar­ily recreational)

Sleep­ing four hours a night for weeks on end will catch up with you. A little pill will bring you up every morn­ing. And a little pill will bring you back down at night. Draw­ing deep into the com­pet­i­tion, you need to be on your game at the right moment and these little pills may help…but they will not be your friends for much longer.

2. Human Enter­tain­ment

You will be temp­ted to sleep with minor celebrit­ies, mod­els, pro­du­cers and fel­low con­test­ants who ‘know what it’s like to be in your shoes’. The unglam­or­ous girl or boy back home who works on Sat­urdays at the Dairy Queen or bowl­ing alley will never climb over the top of you to appear in the spot­light with you.

3. Fame

You’ve accu­mu­lated over 2000 friends on Face­book within three hours, and every day there is another fan page on the inter­net ded­ic­ated to you. Fame is pos­ing for pho­tos with fans at the mall. Fame is also talk­ing to secur­ity experts who used to work for the President.

4. Fans

Amer­ica may love you but they love Amer­ican Idol more. Plan ahead for when you don’t have the muscle of America’s most watched tele­vi­sion to thrust your tal­ents front and center.

5. Believe everything you hear, read and feel

You are liv­ing in a vor­tex that has eaten stronger people than you. Even Scooby Doo and his gang of teen­age car­toons can­not fig­ure out how fame became so insanely dis­as­so­ci­ated from actual achieve­ment – but what do you care, you’re bene­fit­ting. Real­ity shows do bite, and often quite pleasurably…but in the end what may feel right now is often wrong given what’s best for your long-term fin­an­cial, artistic and psy­cho­lo­gical health.

The Pro­du­cer has just tapped you on the shoulder. It’s time to sign your last auto­graph and jump into yet another limo. You have been pre­par­ing for overnight fame your entire life and now that you’ve seen what tempta­tions lay before you, it is only now a mat­ter of turn­ing your fif­teen minutes into some­thing much, much more.

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